A lot of the stigma of drug and alcohol addiction is caused by the secrecy of it all.  There are many emotions associated with addiction including embarassment, shame, guilt and fear. No one wants to be unloved or despised for their affliction. No one wants people to know that they are out of control and can't stop themselves. No one wants to admit that they need help because they can't help themselves.  Even the thought that one needs "mental health" care is motivation to not seek help by many. Even though we hear from public service announcements that it is nothing to be ashamed of, there is a long way to go to getting the point across.  Most parents and friends will do their best to keep this secret yet in doing so, create great harm.  In a perfect world where stigma doesn't exist, family, friends and community can openly support the addict with real help. We have a long way to go before we get to that point. With secrets, the addict will play every person to get what he or she wants. Out of love, many friends and family believe they are helping the addict by keeping the big secret. As a parent, I even believed that my son would get better and still be able to live his life as if he never had a problem. This belief changed rather quickly as his addiction escalated. The addict and his/her family must accept that life cannot go backward and that a future life will be different and even better as the difficult journey through recovery goes on. In your efforts to keep this secret, the isolation of this addiction (for the addict and the family) will only serve to hamper the support needed to get through this. To know that you are loved and cared for, not despised and disgusted, makes a significant difference in this journey.